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Picking Up Chicks on the Subway
Jimmy Fraturday
April 15, 2014

Ahhh yes. Public transportation. Some people bitch about it and hate having to take it. One of the major advantages that people forget about taking public transit is that you can pick up chicks while you're there. Try picking up chicks in your car some time. Spoiler alert, you're all alone in your car, and therefore there aren't any chicks to hit on. So without further ado, I give you the Guyde to picking up chicks on the subway.

 

Step 1: Go to the subway

 

This step might seem pretty obvious but it's actually more complicated than it might seem. Those trains run all day everyday, which is a lot of time. When you go to the subway is going to be important. I'd stay away from the 8 PM- 8 AM time slot. Hot chicks aren't out all the time, and the Kennedy Research Center has figured out that they are usually asleep or not out and about on the subway from 8-8.

 

 

The above picture is exactly what you don't want. An empty subway car means one thing, you can only check out and hit on yourself. The best time to go is definitely right after 8 AM. This is what is called "rush hour". The subway cars will be saturated with hot chicks.

 

Step 2: Cozy up to your target

 

If you took my advice in step one, you'll be in a packed subway car. Hopefully your target will be close by, 'cause otherwise all you'll be able to do is make eye babies. And while eye fucking is pretty dudefest, actual fucking is super fucking dudefest (especially if it's in a Chili's bathroom). Get as close to her as possible. Hopefully you'll be standing next to her. The next part is crucial. If she's holding onto one of the poles, and she most likely is, slide your hand right down onto hers. Hold on to it tight until she looks you in the face. Don't let go until she looks like she's about to get off the train. Then go to step 3.

 

Step 3: Chili's time.

 

She was bound to be amazed by your boldness and overall handsomeness. Also your persistence, because after she got off the train you followed her on to the next one. And then all the way out of the station and onto the street. Now she's intrigued and it's time for you to seal the deal. Take her as fast as possible to 425 Washington Blvd, Jersey City, NJ (Jersey, gross I know, but it is the closest Chili's and you aren't getting laid without Chili's). Once you get her to Chili's y'all will be doing the no pants dance in minutes.

Jimmy Fraturday is THE authoritative voice on playing sports with a beer in hand. He is the son of two great Americans, and he enjoys a good gargoyle over a keg stand. He recently stopped drinking Natty Light during the week. All hate mail can be directed to his email.

2 Comments
04-16-2014 | 9:05 PM
Chili's has 2 for 1 drinks, so worst comes to worst you can still get twice as drunk for half the price. My math might be a tad off there so just don't check it.
04-15-2014 | 1:55 PM
The next restaurant I go to will undoubtedly be a Chili's now
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