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Being Inconspicuous
Smigoversen
July 20, 2014

Drinking is awesome in a lot of different places. You've got bars, your apartment, other people's apartments, and even inside vans down by the river to choose from. All of those are great options, but none hold a candle to literally anywhere outside. That said, drinking in public is a great way to get an Open Container ticket and have to pay a hefty fine. So if you managed to pick up a girl (i.e. buy lots of drinks) AND seal the deal with a trip for late night apps at Chili's, you're looking at a night that costs about as much as your rent. Instead of all of that, here are some great ways to have your beer and drink it outside too.

 

Strategy 1: Pretend Your Open Containers Are Still Closed

 

When you buy a 6-pack of cans, a rubber-dolphin-death trap comes standard to keep the cans in one place. Most of the time, you just pull a can out of the ring and drink it until its empty. Then you repeat until all of the cans are gone. Here's the thing: there isn't a rule that says you aren't allowed to put the cans back in the ring before they're finished. In fact, if you try that, they will stay in-ring so you can carry them around with you. This strategy is best employed when you've been drinking in one location where you're allowed to have an open container, and you want to move to another location that is separated from your current one by a large swath of land where you can get a ticket.

 

Strategy 2: Pretend You're Drinking A Large Fountain Soda

 

This maneuver ups the craftiness level from the previous strategy. What you're going to do is save the next Extra Value Meal Cup you buy. Then you're going to put some ice in the bottom of the cup (not too much) and place your beer on top of the ice. The last thing you need to do is throw a cover on the cup and bingo-bango, no one will ever know you're enjoying a Frost chilled Coors Light inside your Pepsi cup. The only downside to this trick is you have to drink your beer through a straw. Which is far from ideal in my book -- straws are for mint juleps and spitballs, not drinking.

 

Strategy 3: Mixed Drinks

 

It turns out, you can just make a mixed drink that looks like Gatorade and people will leave you alone. Literally put any liquor in to any bottle with any other ingredient and you will be fine. This is a pretty obvious choice, so I'll move on to something that requires more thought.

 

Strategy 4: CamelBak

 

A CamelBak is a backpack with a bladder that you can fill with liquids. If you're trying to get day drunk in public, you should think about picking one up and filling it with any kind of booze. This works great if you're going to a concert also. All you have to do is hide the mouthpiece inside the bag and stay out of the bouncers' line of site.

 

I would go on, but if I did I would have to write a Dudefest Dozen. And I'm too busy getting drunk in a park to do that.

Smigoversen would like to direct you toward Dudefest.com's legal disclaimer

1 Comments
07-22-2014 | 11:47 AM
Drinking in public is one of the many ways we can learn from hobos.
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