LETTERS TO THE DUDEFEST FORUM
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Gone Fishin'
Smigoversen
August 15, 2014

Dear Dudefest Forum,

 

Back when Dudefest was a state of mind and not a kick-ass website, I taught a fishing class with a Southern gentleman that we've discussed on the site before. I don't pretend to know a lot about fishing anymore, but at the time I was pretty good at it. We did zero teaching during the class. We mostly just tied on hooks, helped get the kid's lines out of trees, and cut up hunks of worm.

 

That last activity was usually my partner's responsibility. He used a knife that I would also use for other things, and I often forgot to wash it, but that's a tale for another time. After all the kids got hooked up with a recently mutilated Annelid, we would have a little free time before the kids started getting their hooks stuck in the tree branches - because they insisted on casting over their head instead of to the side. Even if they had casted correctly, they would have found ways to get their hooks stuck in the trees I'm sure. I'm a simple man, when I have free time at work I usually just stare off into space.

 

One day instead of looking at the kids, I looked at my amigo and saw him holding a worm and starting at it very intently. I asked him what was up, and his response blew my mind like telling the staff of Upworthy a mundane piece of news.

 

He said, "I know that you can eat raw worms if you de-poop them first." That might be the most ridiculous sentence anyone has ever said to me. I've probably heard weirder shit eavesdropping on strangers, but this was some next level shit. First off, I have no fucking clue what de-poop means but now I feel an intense NEED to know. So like a dumbass I asked, "What do you mean de-poop?" Instead of using his words, this fine gentleman just squeezed the length of the earthworm until all of the poop came out of his mouth/anus (tough to tell sometimes, and its not like they have stomachs it's just a straight line).

 

After watching him forcibly cause the worm to shit itself, I took another look at the man holding a worm sitting next to me. Something had changed. It wasn't so much that his expression changed or his motivation wavered - he just looked different. He looked like he also had quickly emptied his bowels with great intensity. Again like a dumbass I asked, "Are you gonna eat it?"

 

"This is where I always lose my nerve." That was when I realized that just about every day when I'm staring off into space, this fucking weirdo was thinking about eating a worm and chickened out when he saw the poop. Personally I don't see what the big deal is with worm poop. It's basically more nutrient rich soil. Have you seen some of the shit you eat? Your body transforms it into something much more vile and all you do is wipe your butt when you finish. Why would the worm be so much worse? There's even a book about how to eat fried ones. I mean sure frying anything is delicious but people really like sushi and that's just fish fry that skipped the frying step. Worms and fish are almost the same color so it stands to reason that they taste the same, right?

 

The weird thing is, I kinda thought he was a pussy for not eating the worm. It's not like I was going to eat the worm so I guess I'm also a pussy in that regard. Over time, I started thinking about it differently (I'm a little confused why I still think about this 4 years later). Not eating that worm is just like any other thing you "really want to do" but never get around to. How many people really want to go to China but know they never will? I "really want to move to Seattle" but that's never going to happen. Not eating the worm is basically the same thing in my book. And if you disagree, you're the real pussy.

Smigoversen reads the words and drinks the beers. He twitters here.

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