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Getting the Most Out of Fantasy Football: Gambling Edition
Jimmy Fraturday
October 29, 2014

Fantasy football is great for so many different things, and how you handle your league(s) can largely depend on who is in your league. Personally I have two leagues, one for keeping in touch with the douchebags I used to work with (Smigoversen, Finkle) and one with the guys I currently go to school with. While talking shit via Facebook to the scrubs that I used to work with is fun, actually talking shit and seeing the embarrassment of your weekly match-up is debatably sweeter than the most recent batch of nudes being released by spooky ghost.

 

But just beating someone isn’t enough. Sure asserting yourself as better at Fantasy is nice and all, but it can be even better if you make a side bet. I’m a betting man. I like to gamble, usually while also consuming alcoholic beverages at horse races. I have a lot of confidence, and also some great ideas. Make side bets. They make the victory just that much sweeter, and you get to see your idiot friends do idiot things. There are a few rules, just to make everything works smoothly. 1. The bet MUST be agreed to on both sides. Have a witness from the league, or get it on social media so they can’t back out. 2. Make it before any of the games start. This should be obvious. You have kickoff on Thursday (8:30 pm for those who can't tell time, don’t fuck it up) 3. Don’t make someone do something that would get them fired, arrested, killed…these are fun, but remember life goes on (depressingly) after Fantasy football ends.

 

Your friends probably wouldn’t agree to anything to stupid anyway, but we all have that one friend that might. The best bets are ones that will be specific to your match up for the week. Figure out something that annoys them and make that their punishment. Without further ado, here are a few suggestions for sidebets:

 

Push-Ups- The winner gets to make the loser do one set of pushups, depending upon how many points the winner wins by, then multiplied by x. For instance, the multiplier could be 5, and if you won by 6 points you make the loser do 30 pushups. I’d suggest a cap and a reasonable multiplier…no one is doing 100 push ups in one sitting. Save the set for the weekend, its funny watching your friend do them on the floor of a crowded bar.


Sensei- The loser must bow any time he sees the winner for that week. If asked why he is bowing the loser must say “because he is my…” you can use master, king, champion, sensei.

 

Dress Up- This works best against a friend who is similarly sized as you but has a distinctly different type of clothing. For those of you who don't know me, I dress like a douchebag from J. Crew/ Vineyard Vines/ Brooks Brothers. My upcoming opponent is my... urban? friend from L.A. It goes without saying that we have distinctly different clothing styles, so this bet is bound to be hilarious.


Expose Their Physical Weakness- My roommate hates working out. So when I defeated him, he had the privilege of going on the elliptical every day for a week for 30 minutes. Figure out your friends habits and exploit them. I'm fond of signing up for free trials of Cross Fit.

 

Mustache of Shame: Pretty self explanatory, loser has to have a mustache for a week. This usually takes a but more planning, especially if it takes you a while to grow one. Be a good sport and start the week before, that way when it comes to the "punishment" you actually have something on your upper lip to give the ladies mustache rides with.

 

Have any great suggestions for bets? Email them to me so I can make my friends miserable.

Jimmy Fraturday is THE authoritative voice on playing sports with a beer in hand. He is the son of two great Americans, and he enjoys a good gargoyle over a keg stand. He recently stopped drinking Natty Light during the week. All hate mail can be directed to his email.

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