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Kim Kardashian's Broken Ass Internet
November 12, 2014

A 2013 study from the Kennedy Research Center showed that 95% of everything on the Internet is hyperbole, the other 5% is pornography (note: the amount of porn produced has not decreased, the amount of hyperbole has skyrocketed in recent years). Every day there is something new to have a strong opinion about.


Kim Kardashian is currently featured on the cover of Paper magazine with just her bare ass. All over the Internet, Click Baiters are shouting that this picture has broken the Internet. This is obviously hyperbole because you’re reading this in a web browser. But their assertion raises an important question: should we care that Kim Kardashian showed the world her (clearly Photoshopped) ass?


The answer is unequivocally NO. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, nooooooooooooooo.


Why? Because this is nothing new. Don’t you remember how Kim got “famous”? I’ll give you a hint, it rhymes with sex mape. If you’ve ever wondered what Kim Kardashian looks like without her clothes on at any point since 2007, that information has been available to you.


Furthermore, as we all know, sex tapes are the lowest form of pornography. Even the people who make them have to pretend that it was an accident anyone got to see the video. Which is obviously also hyperbole, the only accident involved with the shooting and release of any sex tape is the lack of proper lighting and probably a third person to hold the camera.


We shouldn’t attach any more importance to this picture other than this is a desperate attempt to take back the spotlight after all of hullabaloo that followed the actual, real leaking of actual, real celebrities’ naked pictures. If Kim really wanted this to make a splash, she should have paid some jackass on 4chan to “hack” her computer and “leak” the photos as part of a 1 Woman Fappening Pt. 2. She could have used the same amount of Photoshopping too – would anyone be surprised to find out that Kim Kardashian keeps enhanced/altered naked pictures of herself on her phone?

Smigoversen, first of his name, Master of Words, Cheapskate Beer Snob, and Protector of the Realm can be reached by raven here.

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August 12, 2014
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