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The NFL Sucks at Scheduling "Prime Time" Games
Jimmy Fraturday
November 16, 2014

Heading into Week 11 of the NFL season, I couldn't make myself get excited about the Thursday Night game between the Buffalo Bills and Miami Dolphins. I don't think anyone gave a shit about this game outside of Buffalo (certainly no one in Miami cared - some of them still haven't realized LeBron came to Miami, much less that he already left). And we get another suspect prime time game tonight between the Pittsburgh Steelers and Tennessee Titans. Seriously? This is the best they could do for a prime time game? And this isn't a new thing, all season long the NFL has gone out of its way to schedule shit-sandwiches for night games. There hasn't been a week yet where there wasn't a huge blowout in one of the prime time spots. It's getting so bad that Deion Sanders is thinking about changing his nickname.

 

I'll give the NFL some credit, they started off by just making the Thursday night game the designated blowout game. The first two were atrocious to watch, even if you were as drunk as I was. But then shit really started to get awful. Accordingly to my analysis weeks 3, 4, 5, 9 and 10 all had terrible matchups, with exceptionally lopsided scores. There have only been 2 Thursday night games with final scores being separated by a touchdown or less (Colts v. Texans and Jets v. Pats, which were back to back weeks). The rest of the weeks not mentioned above have included at least one blowout in one of the primetime spots. Hey NFL, we're stuck watching the one game, lets try to make it a contest huh? Since there must be a method to how they set up these matchups, I've decided to throw around a few of the ways I think the NFL execs made their decisions.

 

1. Got drunk, threw darts at a wall full of team logos (not all of them currently active franchises as evidenced by the Houston Oilers vs. Baltimore Colts game scheduled for next week)

 

2. Roger Goodell and Adam Sterling both took shits, snapchatted them to all of their friends asking, "which NFL team does this steamy pile most resemble?" They repeated this until the schedule was complete.

 

3. Got drunk to the point of vomiting, threw up on a girl at a bar and asked her what her favorite team is. Repeat until the schedule is full.

 

4. Actually had a sit down meeting, where everyone put in a lot of effort and input, worked really long hours and still rolled out this pile of shit of a prime time schedule.

 

Given how ineptly the NFL has handled everything for the last ten years, if Outside the Lines reported any of these options were the real way they made the schedule it wouldn't surprise anyone.

Jimmy Fraturday is THE authoritative voice on playing sports with a beer in hand. He is the son of two great Americans, and he enjoys a good gargoyle over a keg stand. He recently stopped drinking Natty Light during the week. All hate mail can be directed to his email.

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