THAT'S JUST, LIKE, YOUR OPINION, MAN
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Attention NFL Coaches: Please Stop Fucking Up My Fantasy Team
Jimmy Fraturday
November 23, 2014

Hey. Hey you. Hey, asshole. Yea I'm talking to you Mr. NFL Franchise Head Coach. Do we have a fucking problem? Yea, yea we do chief. Why don't you just sit down right there and have a little chat. Listen, it's not me, it's you. I thought we could make things work, I really did. I thought you were my friend, but now I've come to find that you just tried to appease me enough so that you could fuck me right in the ass. And that hurts. So I have something to say to you. Fucking stop it. What is IT you ask? It's called the running back by committee. It sucks and so do you for using one.

 

We can all agree that fantasy football is pretty fantastic. In turns boring unwatchable games into something that I can't miss. Case in point a Thursday Night Raiders v. Chiefs matchup. Literally no one should've cared about that game and despite it actually turning out to be pretty competitive, there is no way I would've even thought of turning it on. Enter fantasy football. I watched almost the entire game (I had to get up to refill my beer a few times so I missed a few minutes). I not only watched it but I begged and pleaded with my television that every ball thrown by Alex Smith was going straight into the hands of Travis Kelce. And every time that the ball was handed to Jamaal Charles I hoped, more of a wish, that he would fumble.

 

So back to you committee running back system. You are the fantasy football kryptonite. It used to be that teams had a clear starting RB and the other scrubs would only come in on the off chance that the starter got hurt. Not anymore. Now we have our "change of pace" backs, our "receiving backs", our "third down backs", and "goal line" backs just to name a few. These fuckers make it wildly impractical to have running backs carry your teams weight. Prime examples of teams who use this shit are the Browns, the Rams, the Ravens, the Jets, and even New England. A few teams (like the Chiefs, Cowboys and Texans) have stuck by their solo running backs which make players like Jamaal Charles or DeMarco Murray or Arian Foster (when he's healthy, but please keep milking that groin injury) so insanely valuable. If you were lucky enough to draft one (or more) of these gems or were lucky enough to have all of the other RB's on the team get hurt (looking at you Mark Ingram) then congrats. But here's a message to the NFL coaches from the rest of us: "STOP IT. You're fucking my team over and you don't even care. So fuck you." -Love, All of your fans who can't do anything but silently watch as you destroy our Fantasy Seasons.

 

P.S. Rex Ryan if you're reading this, make sure that Ivory gets the majority of the carries for the rest of the season. I promise it'll be the right move. Cool, good talk.

Jimmy Fraturday is THE authoritative voice on playing sports with a beer in hand. He is the son of two great Americans, and he enjoys a good gargoyle over a keg stand. He recently stopped drinking Natty Light during the week. All hate mail can be directed to his email.

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