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Suing Dudefest.com
Jimmy Fraturday
March 02, 2014

The first step in any good lawsuit is some sort of controversy. So if you’re planning on suing Dudefest.com you’re going to need to be offended by something we have done. Deeply, deeply offended. Like losing sleep over it. Maybe you’re Nic Cage and you just read our review of STOLEN. Or maybe you’re just a normal average person with no sense of humor. Either way, we end up at the next step.

 

The next step you have to take is you have to ask yourself: Am I a lawyer?

If yes, congratulations! You probably know the required steps necessary to take us to court and whip some ass, so you can stop reading and go ahead and do that.

 

If you answered no, that is ok! Turns out there are plenty of lawyers just looking to score some rich clients with petty problems. Now your only problem is finding out which money-loving attorney you should hire.

 

The answer to which attorney is right for you is obvious. Simply turn on your television to any local news channel and just wait for the commercials. Whichever attorney or law firm has the first commercial you see is the one you should hire. They are obviously ridiculously good if they have all sorts of money to throw away on daytime TV adds.

 

Once you have your attorney hired, give them a lot of information about the case. Leave no stone unturned and even tell them to visit the site. Have them really look around and get the full experience of everything we have to offer. If you hired a male attorney, which should have been your obvious go to, chances are he will decide that your lawsuit is frivolous, and he will give you your money back, go home and make love to his wife, then quit his job as a shitty lawyer and come to work full time for Dudefest.

 

If you somehow managed to hire a female attorney (bad choice) she will most likely fall in love with each and every writer on this site and will spend her time trying to find all of us and confess her desires. This will leave her almost no time for your case, so you'll inevitabley fire her.

 

This means you will be back at square one. You’re probably very tired at this point and won’t want to have to find another lawyer, so you’ll decide to represent yourself. Once you realize that you have no actual idea of how to do that you’ll start applying to law schools so you have a better idea of what to do.

 

After 3 grueling years of school you’ll finally be ready to bring that big dick swingin’ lawsuit against a comedy website!

Jimmy Fraturday is THE authoritative voice on playing sports with a beer in hand. He is the son of two great Americans, and he enjoys a good gargoyle over a keg stand. He recently stopped drinking Natty Light during the week. All hate mail can be directed to his email.

4 Comments
03-06-2014 | 9:33 AM
fraturday is the absolute last person anyone should be taking legal advice from
03-03-2014 | 6:18 PM
Even female attorneys aren't that foolish
03-03-2014 | 5:40 PM
Jimmy Fucking Fraturday, that's who.
03-02-2014 | 1:17 PM
Who the fuck still use Yahoo for anything other than Fantasy Sports?
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