A true man claims his farts right after the moment of flatulation. In mixed company you should, at the very least, own up to it if another person is confronted with the smell.

Known alternatively as spanking the monkey, choking the chicken, and burping the worm, masturbation continues to be an important part of every man's day, like shaving or pooping. It's great stress relief, and it also helps a man increase his level of productivity and focus, or fall asleep. Masturbation is a lesser, but necessary, alternative to intercourse.

1971: A man known only as DB Cooper hijacks a plane and parachutes away into a thunderstorm with $200,000 in ransom money, never caught or heard from again.