RESERVOIR DOGS (1992)
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DUDEFEST RATING
8.93
Dudes
Harvey Keitel
Tim Roth
Chris Penn
Steve Buscemi
Lawrence Tierney
Michael Madsen
By Joe Kennedy
February 03, 2014

If you haven’t seen RESERVOIR DOGS yet, please pass in your man card right now. I’ll give it back to you at the end of the review.

 

You all know how the movie starts. If you don’t then it means I have your man card, so shut up and keep reading. Restaurant scene. Dudes in suits. Boss Joe, his son in the track pants, colors for names. Buscemi doesn’t tip. Classic rock over the credits.

 

An unseen colorful heist occurs, Mr. Orange (Roth) gets shot in the gut, and Mr. Brown (Tarantino) dies. Thank god Tarantino’s character dies; dude can direct, but he doesn’t sell himself as a well dressed heist guy. Mr. White (Keitel) and Mr. Orange get back to the meetup spot first, and shortly thereafter Mr. Pink (Buscemi) gets back.

 

Mr. Pink and Mr. White leave Mr. Orange to nap it off while they debrief the heist from hell. They discern two things. First, Mr. Blonde (Madsen) is a lunatic, and second, someone in the crew had to be a mole. Or a rat. Generally speaking, a rodent.

 

After an argument between Mr. White and Mr. Pink (Mr. White told Mr. Orange his real name like a rookie), Mr. Blonde rolls in, sippin’ a soda, all nonchalant-like. He quickly demonstrates to us that, yes, he is out of his goddamn mind. He opens his trunk for Mr. White and Mr. Pink to reveal a cop he stole; the three of them then proceed to beat the shit out of him for no reason.

 

Track Pants gets there and tells everyone to calm the fuck down by yelling. He sends Mr. Pink and Mr. White to get rid of all the cars with him. This leaves psychopath Mr. Blonde with the passed out Mr. Orange and the tied up cop. Presumably Track Pants only does this for our entertainment, because Mr. Blonde, giving away all his fucks, tortures the cop due to his love of torture. He is cutting him up and slices his ear off all to the tune of "Stuck in the Middle with You". With no more fucks to give, Mr. Blonde tosses a whole canister of gasoline on the cop.

 

Before Mr. Blonde can turn the cop into Johnny Storm, Mr. Orange wakes up, shoots and kills Mr. Blonde. THen he reveals himself as a cop to Officer Van Gogh. Van Gogh says there are other cops outside, but they won’t come inside until the big guy, the head honcho, Joe, shows up. Tarantino (the director) then takes us on a journey through Mr. Orange’s journey undercover. Sick shit, but I’ll leave it out for brevity’s sake. See it for yourself you Man Card-less prick.


I’m having trouble coming up with a word to describe the last scene of the film. Perfect seems below it, so we’ll go with Dudefest. Track Pants, Mr. White, and Mr. Pink get back, and Mr. Orange says he killed Mr. Blonde because Mr. Blonde was going to run with the diamonds and kill everybody. Mr. Trackpants doesn’t buy that, Mr. White does, and Mr. Pink doesn’t give a shit. Joe walks in, breaking the 1-1-1 tie by siding with his son, and declares that Mr. Orange is a cop. Mr. White disagrees and pulls a gun on Joe, who along with his son pulls a gun on Mr. White. More disagreement ends with gunfire, and Mr. White wipes out two generations of Cabot, but is wounded in the process. Mr. Pink takes the diamonds and peaces out, while Mr. White cuddles up to Mr. Orange (in a Dudefest way). Mr. Orange tells Mr. White that he is a cop. As the cops finally roll in, Mr. White shoots Mr. Orange, and the cops shoot him. We can only assume Mr. Pink died as well. Oh, and Mr. Blue was killed.

Joe Kennedy is a staunch technophobe and suffers from a debilitating fear of human hands. If for some reason you'd like to get in touch with him, send a letter to 463 Mass Ave Cambridge MA 02139.

R A T I N G S
9.5
There’s no action in this movie, but who cares. It’s a heist movie without the heist, but who gives a shit. It’s a bunch of dues slowly losing their minds after a job gone wrong. It’s absolutely fantastic, and deserves a spot in the Dudefest Hall of Fame when we make it. Now, here’s your man card back. Go forth and watch this film.
9
This movie loses a point because of Mr. Pink’s rant about tipping. I’ve heard people use that argument in real life. One time I was talking to a dude and he used the same reasons for why he doesn’t like tipping. Fuck you, guy, you’re the only person here that doesn’t work at this bar. You are in the wrong crowd to be complaining that we make minimum wage and don’t deserve tips. Do you make more than minimum wage? Probably, that’s why you do your job- minimum wage sucks. Great movie though.
9.5
If you aren’t a fan of Tarantino movies get off of this website. RESERVOIR DOGS isn’t for the casual, uninterested watcher. If you’re down for a suspenseful and violent heist film and you’ve got a reasonable attention span you will not be disappointed.
9.5
This is arguably Tarantino's greatest movie, which is saying something. The cast is small and the movie basically takes place in one room, but it's so goddamn intense the whole time. It is unquestionably a must-see.
8
This movie could be cut down to just the opening diner scene and the opening credits where all the heisters walk in slow motion and it would still be fucking great. Overall, not as great as PULP FICTION but still part of the Dudefest Canon of Movies.
8
I bet Steve Buscemi tips in real life...
9
Watched this with my mom. Huge mistake. Subsequent viewings without her present have been far superior experiences.
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