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Will Smiff
Tommy Lee Jones
Rip Torn
Private Gomer Pyle
Monk (not an actual monk, the guy from the show)
By Joe Kennedy
January 21, 2014

I know what you’re thinking, only ten people haven’t heard of MEN IN BLACK, but no, MEN IN BLACK is not an interracial, straight-bait, gay porno. I know! I was surprised too! MEN IN BLACK, however, IS a classic Will Smith movie that features him fighting aliens. No, not INDEPENDENCE DAY. This movie has Tommy Lee Jones! Ugh, no, not WILD WILD WEST. That’s with Kevin Kline, and that movie's plot was even less believable than this one. So, yes, MEN IN BLACK. Are we all on the same page? Yeah, the one that sounds like it could be a porno. Ok, we’re set now, it’s MEN IN BLACK. Review time.


Will Smith plays a cop who dresses like the Fresh Prince, another character played by Will Smith. He’s clearly in great shape because he chases and catches some perp who is actually an alien instead of a human being. Smith has the guy up against the wall, right where he wants him, but then the guy backflips out of Will’s grip somehow and gets away by scaling the wall of building. Smith isn’t having any of it though. He’s determined to stick it to this guy, in any way he can. However, after a confrontation on the roof, the perp jumps to his death.


Based on the weird behavior of the perp, Smith is confused, and no one in his precinct will believe what he saw. In rolls K (Tommy Lee Jones), wielding his “memory loss” stick and flashing everyone with it. K takes Smith for a cruise in his sweet ride. K fills Smith in that there are thousands of aliens living on earth. For the most part they stay on the down low, disguised as straight humans. K works for the Men In Black (MIB), an organization that keeps the aliens that attract attention in check. Because of Smith’s performance with the perp earlier, K offers Smith a job interview, but not before flashing Smith first. During the interview, the anti-authority Smith does not impress K’s boss, Zed (Rip Torn). But K insists that Zed give him a try. Zed listens to K, and he flashes all the other job applicants while K hands the job to Smith. Smith gets his identity erased and becomes J.


Elsewhere, an alien bug thing lands on a farm. It has a swift confrontation with the owner of the farm (Private Pyle) and crawls inside the farmer’s skin, Buffalo Bill style.


J and K get a whiff of this and start to investigate. They eventually learn that there’s a micro-universe on the earth, and they need to find it before this alien bug thing does in order to save the planet. J and K end up chasing this alien-bug-thing all over the place, creating all sorts of mayhem that causes a bunch of people to get flashed by various MIB members. In the final big scene, the alien bug thing reveals itself by exiting the farmer it had been inside. It gets real graphic when the alien bug thing swallows all of K, leaving J to tangle with the alien bug thing in a man-on-alien-bug-thing showdown. J tries to ride the bare back of the alien bug thing, but it throws him off. Just when you think the alien bug thing is about to finish off J, from inside the alien bug thing K takes a hold of his gun and shoots as hard as he can, causing the alien to explode all over J and K, leaving the two of them exhausted and satisfied. In the final scene, K tells J that he wants to retire, and J flashes K.

Joe Kennedy is a staunch technophobe and suffers from a debilitating fear of human hands. If for some reason you'd like to get in touch with him, send a letter to 463 Mass Ave Cambridge MA 02139.

Huh, maybe it was a gay porno.
This movie started my totally rational fear of cockroaches, not to mention my additional fear of meeting any effed-up farmer dude. This movie has a ton of guns and asplosions, and benevolent/malevolent aliens are always a good catch, but it’s just not that dudefest.
I can’t wait until Jaden Smith wants to redo this movie in ten years. It should be really really good.
I give this a 9.5 for the same reason Henry gave it a 5.5.
This movie is hilarious and it totally stands the test of time. Will Smith uses his fish out of water charm to bang that doctor lady. Tommy Lee Jones is all that is man.
I've seen this movie many times. It is good. If you're looking for a great theme party idea try MIB and aliens. Or more generally just Will Smith movies.
I had a substitute teacher in high school that looked just like the farmer/cockroach alien guy. Koella is so wrong, btw. GIANT guns and ALIENS? How is that not dudefest?
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