EQUILIBRIUM (2002)
Display qlcfidl
DUDEFEST RATING
8.12
Dudes
Christian Bale
By Ram Jam
January 10, 2014

This movie is a fairly typical enactment of post-apocalyptic civilization. There is a fan, shit hits said fan, everyone freaks the fuck out about how shit covered the fan is, and then power hungry holograms rise and oppress the remaining humans. In EQUILIBRIUM, living up to the movie’s namesake, the new regime keeps balance (oppression) by drugging everyone and removing their ability to feel, maintaining a flaccid monotony of brainwashed lives.

 

Let’s start with a conundrum: the rebels, or “sense offenders” that feel things (which, in this movie, means… LETS TOUCH EVERYTHING), are the ones not shooting up. The unshaven, art collecting, Yeats-spouting, leather-jacket-wearing, quinoa-burger-on-my-roof-in-williamsburg hippies are keeping clear heads so they can enjoy their own existence. They just HAVE to be different. Turds. Regardless, the mainstream populace is hopped up on depressants so that they hate people that are having fun and must kill them.

 

Easily the most dudefest aspect of this movie are the action scenes. In the first scene, a bunch of these boob-fondling bohemians are holed up with a shit ton of art, recently found-out by the authorities. Just when you’re about to say, “ART?? I don’t even like Rembrandt’s portraits”, guns pop up everywhere, and the bloodbath you were expecting ensues. Christian Bale comes in, slides on a door, and kicks everyone’s ass. Afterward you see two police guys look at the carnage, shake their heads, and say “Damn.”

 

Side note: there are some well-placed shits throughout the film; and I mean the expletive, not real poop. Though the drugged-up populous aren’t supposed to have any emotion, every once in a while when Christian Bale is about to turn his guns into clubs and pound your face, they let slip a little “Shit.”

 

Bale is in a terrific bad-guy-turned-good role as a ruthless, mystical enforcer of the regime that is trained in what I can best describe as martial arts with a gun in each hand. It’s all the spinning, shooting and grotesque limb-breaking you would expect in a MATRIX fight scene. In the aforementioned gun-as-a-club fight scene, Bale hits every dude literally 47 times each. In EQUILIBRIUM, though, it seems like the writers attempt to explain his acrobatics with a short scene of numbers and angles and probability. Nice try. Anyways, Bale begins to find his inner emotions, and questions what it is that the regime is accomplishing, and how his whole life has been a lie. Cue Conspiracy Keanu. Christian Bale, in his seemingly un-dudely quest for emotion, cries over a woman, cries about Beethoven, gets all sweaty about a sunrise and lets a puppy lick his face. But, come on, he’s doing it to say eff you to the Man!

Ryan drives a weinermobile to work. He might stop by your place if you ask.

R A T I N G S
8
All in all; great action and an okay take on a tired post-apocalyptic theme, while effusing the idea that we all need to, like, feel and stuff, man.
8
If you you took Ayn Rand’s Anthem and blended it with THE DARK KNIGHT, this is the movie you would get. Its confusingly both objectivist and Dudefest at the same time. Also some good sexual tension with the one chick in it.
8
A great post apocolyptic film. A sort of 1984 meets the MATRIX kind of feel, this thriller/action flick will satisfy your dude cravings. Fans of awesome slow mo and fight scenes will love this movie, as it is riddled with it.
8.5
The DVD cover says “Forget the MATRIX!” I’m not sure what that means, because it’s almost completely irrelevant and certainly not a helpful review. In that vein, my review is complete.
0 Comments
10 MOST DUDEFEST MOVIES
Display iuyufa7
Display the departed
Display empire strikes back alternative poster
Display shawshank redemption 1
Display lone survivor movie6
Display the avengers super secret boy band the avengers 30877475 1900 1200
Display matrix logo
Display guardians poster via marvel
Display captain america the winter soldier trailer 0
Display lehb0vi
10 LEAST DUDEFEST MOVIES
Display 167364 216091 9vi3oojpg 620x
Display display film reel
Display anipadme2
Display uab6lra
Display star wars holiday special
Display dm ac 00047 website version
Display gril9zy
Display v8qq73e
Display cklxkc7
Display dvoemju
RECENT COMMENTS
about 1 month ago
锘縱mate is significant gigantic software relatively seen in huge numbers of people universal. in this request offers complete film to the user at...
on Review of TRANSFORMERS: AGE OF EXTINCTION
about 1 month ago
锘縱mate is one of the crucial large application very looked at and also by many of us internationally. this excellent app will provide complete...
on Review of THE SHAWSHANK REDEMPTION
about 1 month ago
As suggested by its name, vmate App is a slidemovie downloader job application. no matter the reason, it features considerable way of measuring...
on America's Sweetheart (Jennifer Lawrence's Booty)
about 1 month ago
锘縱mate is essentially the most colossal software package passing used courtesy of a myriad of people intercontinental. our instance renders...
on Review of THE INCREDIBLE HULK
2 months ago
锘縱mate is most people large iphone app ultra looked at with untold numbers of folks across the globe. this one app features complete activity for...
on THE REPLACEMENTS (Where Are They Now?)
2 months ago
锘? vmate is usually software package that lets you free download [url=http://www.vmate.com/]vmate[/url] video lessons plus songs this Youtube,...
on Review of X-MEN: DAYS OF FUTURE PAST
2 months ago
锘? vmate is certainly an software package that allows you to download and read [url=http://www.vmate.com/]vmate[/url] clips then songs inside the...
on Review of CAPTAIN AMERICA: THE WINTER SOLDIER
3 months ago
锘? vmate may well be an practical application that allows you to receive [url=http://www.vmate.com/]vmate[/url] tutorials and moreover songs on...
on Review of RISE OF THE FALL OF THE DAWN OF THE PLANET OF THE APES
3 months ago
锘? vmate is surely an app that lets you find [url=http://www.vmate.com/]vmate[/url] music videos and as a consequence songs your Youtube,...
on THE REPLACEMENTS (Where Are They Now?)
3 months ago
锘縱mate is essentially the most colossal software package tremendous levied basically many of us foreign. this type of application creates complete...
on Review of WAR OF THE WORLDS