I finally decided to sit down and watch the movie that everyone's been talking about. I hate spoilers more than anything in the world, so I avoided hearing anything I could about FROZEN until I finally got the chance to see it. I did know it was out on DVD already, so I decided to check Netflix to see if I could stream it before heading out to rent it from Redbox (or, let's be honest, torrent it, because it's cold out there). I was pleasantly surprised to find that FROZEN is, in fact, already on Netlifx. A bold move by the studio, I thought, seeing how popular it is. I'm pretty sure theaters near me are still playing it, even though it's out on DVD, so why release it on Netflix when both ticket and DVD sales are doing so well? But I digress.

The main chick, played by Emma Bell (who you probably recognize from her famous television role), honestly kind of phones it in. I was unable to avoid 100% of spoilers, because FROZEN has been all over the news for months, and everything I had heard was unfailingly positive. Basically, every news site was all "Bell's performance in FROZEN is the best of her career" and that kind of nonsense, but rather than something you'd expect in an Oscar-nominated film, her performance seemed more like one you'd get from a run-of-the-mill television actress that bounces around various TV shows, doing one episode here and there, and occasionally has small roles in short films or movies like FINAL DESTINATION 5.

And she wasn't even the main character! Everyone kept talking about the strong feminist themes present in the movie, but her character totally plays second fiddle to the two dudes. She's definitely not the standard "prize to be won" like you see in most Disney movies, but she's still a stereotypical cinematic trope - the "final girl" in horror films.

Speaking of which, holy shit this movie doesn't pull any punches. There is a scene with a wolf attack, and I expected everyone to be just fine, maybe play the action for laughs a little bit, put the characters in some danger but have them ultimately be OK. The standard action for a Disney film. But, nope, the two dudes get straight up fuckin' eaten alive by wolves (the first one after jumping from the chairlift and graphically shattering both his legs). So now we've only got the chick left, who jumps off of the chairlift and injures her ankle, forcing her to crawl all the way down the mountain in the bitter cold, scared and alone, while being chased by wolves.

I was too distracted by brutal leg injuries and ferocious wolves to listen for that song that everyone's been talking about. I listened to it later, and I don't remember it from the movie, but it seems like it would have been really out of place.