STAR WARS: EPISODE I - DENNIS THE PHANTOM MENACE (1999)
Display film nerd phantom menace
Genres
DUDEFEST RATING
3.38
Dudes
Liam Neeson
Ewan McGregor
Natalie Portman
Samuel L. Jackson
By Jimmy Fraturday
May 07, 2014

Ahhh yes, EPISODE I. I remember going to the theater to see it like it was just yesterday and not 15 years ago. I was excited, maybe a little nervous and definitely pumped to see my first PG-13 movie (I was 8 years old dickheads). While many STAR WARS fans hate EPISODE I, I really enjoyed it. And SPOILER ALERT: you'd better get your NEPI PEN ready (Liam Neeson Epi Pen for those of you who have forgotten). That's right, Liam Fucking Neeson is in EPISODE I. He plays Qui-Gon Jinn for those of you who couldn't feel his awesomeness radiating out from underneath of all of that hair and beard that he's rocking. Also spoiler alert, he dies at the end, which is rare for Neeson, and is confirmation that he isn't actually playing himself in this movie because the only person who can kill Liam Neeson is Liam Neeson.

 

So this movie has almost no relation to the original trilogy and features infinitely more special effects and action/ fighting sequences. It also features the most hated character in the STAR WARS universe, Jar-Jar Binks. Jar-Jar is supposed to provide comic relief (I think? I'm really struggling to justify his existence) kind of like how we at Dudefest.com brought Pockets into the picture. Both of them are pretty clumsy, not great at sports, and are homeless.

 

I think I'm supposed to say something about the plot. Two Jedis are tasked with trying to stop a full on invasion of Naboo. They don't do that. Naboo gets invaded and the capital is taken over by droids. The Jedis and important people from Naboo run away, get their ship all sorts of fucked up and then go on a pretty long side journey to get it all fixed only to eventually return to Naboo. In the meantime they kick it on Tatooine and pick up Anakin Skywalker. In reality his mother just lets a bunch of strangers kidnap her son, but I guess that is neither here nor there.

 

Really the best part of the movie is that John Williams did the score so the epic music throughout the film should cause all of the blood in your body to rush towards your penis. Make sure you watch this movie either sitting or lying down or you might pass out. So the Gungans (Jar-Jar's crew) team up with the Naboo people and fight the Droid army to stage a distraction while all of the important people sneak around the Capital and try to capture the ultra-bad guys, Viceroys. This leads to Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon fighting Darth Maul in what I think is one of the best lightsaber fights of all time. Qui-Gon dies, Obi-Wan avenges him by slicing Darth Maul in half and meanwhile Anakin somehow destroys the lead ship, killing all of the droids, and effectively winning the battle.

 

Really the most important part of the movie is that Natalie Portman is in it and looks super hot when she isn't covered head to toe in make up and weird clothing. Trust us Natalie...less is more with you. Also to all the haters...this was the highest grossing Star Wars movie out of all of them. So suck it bitches, and quick your whining about how "the original trilogy is just, like, OMG so much better than the new movies."

Jimmy Fraturday is THE authoritative voice on playing sports with a beer in hand. He is the son of two great Americans, and he enjoys a good gargoyle over a keg stand. He recently stopped drinking Natty Light during the week. All hate mail can be directed to his email.

R A T I N G S
8.5
Seeing a PG-13 movie when I was 8? Winner winner chicken dinner
1
I hate you, Fraturday. 8.5? EIGHT POINT FIVE!? This is why you're the biggest asshole on the site. Fuck you and this shitty movie.
2
I bet that there are no Jedis anymore because penicillin has largely eradicated the force.
2
Despite the hate he gets, Jar-Jar teaches us a valuable lesson—by dumb luck, incompetent people find their way into better jobs than yours. The only cure to your anger is alcohol.
2 Comments
05-26-2014 | 8:14 PM
This movie is rated PG you big dumb idiot.
05-07-2014 | 1:40 AM
I'd give it a two, because there are two things I like about this movie. The pod racing and the lightsaber battle.
10 MOST DUDEFEST MOVIES
Display iuyufa7
Display the departed
Display empire strikes back alternative poster
Display shawshank redemption 1
Display lone survivor movie6
Display the avengers super secret boy band the avengers 30877475 1900 1200
Display matrix logo
Display guardians poster via marvel
Display captain america the winter soldier trailer 0
Display lehb0vi
10 LEAST DUDEFEST MOVIES
Display 167364 216091 9vi3oojpg 620x
Display display film reel
Display anipadme2
Display uab6lra
Display star wars holiday special
Display dm ac 00047 website version
Display gril9zy
Display v8qq73e
Display cklxkc7
Display dvoemju
RECENT COMMENTS
6 months ago
As the name suggests, vmate App is videos downloader resume. in any case, it features a considerable measure of parts which render it totally...
on Best ROCKY Movies
7 months ago
锘縱mate is significant gigantic software relatively seen in huge numbers of people universal. in this request offers complete film to the user at...
on Review of TRANSFORMERS: AGE OF EXTINCTION
8 months ago
锘縱mate is one of the crucial large application very looked at and also by many of us internationally. this excellent app will provide complete...
on Review of THE SHAWSHANK REDEMPTION
8 months ago
As suggested by its name, vmate App is a slidemovie downloader job application. no matter the reason, it features considerable way of measuring...
on America's Sweetheart (Jennifer Lawrence's Booty)
8 months ago
锘縱mate is essentially the most colossal software package passing used courtesy of a myriad of people intercontinental. our instance renders...
on Review of THE INCREDIBLE HULK
8 months ago
锘縱mate is most people large iphone app ultra looked at with untold numbers of folks across the globe. this one app features complete activity for...
on THE REPLACEMENTS (Where Are They Now?)
8 months ago
锘? vmate is usually software package that lets you free download [url=http://www.vmate.com/]vmate[/url] video lessons plus songs this Youtube,...
on Review of X-MEN: DAYS OF FUTURE PAST
9 months ago
锘? vmate is certainly an software package that allows you to download and read [url=http://www.vmate.com/]vmate[/url] clips then songs inside the...
on Review of CAPTAIN AMERICA: THE WINTER SOLDIER
9 months ago
锘? vmate may well be an practical application that allows you to receive [url=http://www.vmate.com/]vmate[/url] tutorials and moreover songs on...
on Review of RISE OF THE FALL OF THE DAWN OF THE PLANET OF THE APES
9 months ago
锘? vmate is surely an app that lets you find [url=http://www.vmate.com/]vmate[/url] music videos and as a consequence songs your Youtube,...
on THE REPLACEMENTS (Where Are They Now?)