Like many people, my Twitter timeline is way too political right now. I need a break every now and then. Thankfully a new account recently came into my life. Like many people, I love Law & Order: SVU. It might be my second favorite show (after Jeopardy). And like most fans of the show, I especially love Detective Finn Tutuola played by Ice-T. I think John Mulaney put it best in his special New In Town.
The fact that this man hasn't won an Emmy is one of the biggest snubs of all time. It's very frustrating because his partner Detective Munch has appeared in several other series. The possibilities are endless. Could you imagine Ice-T teaming up with Monk to solve a mystery? Or joining forces with the Green Arrow? It doesn't matter who you pair him with, the show gets infinitely more interesting.
While we won't get to explore these dream buddy cop scenarios, the Twitterbot @icetsvu created by Steve Cvar (@vgan) is creating new adventures for TV's greatest detective. Every six hours, the bot tweets an image macro with closed captions describing a new party drug and how it affected the victim. The scenarios involve waking up in unexpected places covered in unexpected things, being handcuffed to something, or being forced to work in odd, highly specific forms of prostitution. We've put together a list of some of our favorites: Enjoy!
Turns out that joint was laced with psilocybin and hoisin sauce. They're callin' it Sandbox Wafers. pic.twitter.com/IAaKqprhXE
— Detective Fin (@icetsvu) February 14, 2017
Lab says he OD'd on somethin' called Panama Bumps. Housekeeper found him passed out in bed wearing a spandex g-str... pic.twitter.com/C6T3YNSwbB
— Detective Fin (@icetsvu) February 14, 2017
It's called Spider Dust. Somebody slips it into a kid's drink, next day she wakes up at a Daoist temple covered in... pic.twitter.com/2AUXIAZOc6
— Detective Fin (@icetsvu) February 11, 2017
They call it Biker's Gristle. Kids try it at parties, next thing they know they're at a Motel 6 gettin' paid to te... pic.twitter.com/VT7rjIJZqe
— Detective Fin (@icetsvu) February 12, 2017
Warner says she was wacked out on some new drug called Angry Strudel. Found her at a rodeo screaming 'Beware the k... pic.twitter.com/7wdhXymnhR
— Detective Fin (@icetsvu) February 13, 2017
Dr. Warner says she was high on somethin' called Truck Stop Hangover. It's an anti-psychotic pill for armadillos. pic.twitter.com/ReaOrpiqIo
— Detective Fin (@icetsvu) February 13, 2017
They call it Brown Twinkle. Somebody slips it into a kid's drink, next day he wakes up in a conference room covere... pic.twitter.com/2G2mf8AJ9b
— Detective Fin (@icetsvu) February 14, 2017
Dr. Warner says they OD'd on some new narcotic called Cyber-Touchdown. It's made from Triscuits and broken glass. pic.twitter.com/ci2FjPvdUe
— Detective Fin (@icetsvu) February 13, 2017
Medical Examiner says he OD'd on somethin' called Basement Penelope. Housekeeper found him passed out in bed naked... pic.twitter.com/BTFocA5o81
— Detective Fin (@icetsvu) February 10, 2017
They call it Cuban Angus. Kids try it at parties, next thing they know they're on all fours gettin' paid to sing l... pic.twitter.com/01bIxRjLGH
— Detective Fin (@icetsvu) February 15, 2017
It's called Colorado Juice. Kids try it at parties, next thing they know they're in a sandbox gettin' paid to fond... pic.twitter.com/UsP9Jx9xkO
— Detective Fin (@icetsvu) February 13, 2017
Dealers callin' it Mystic Quiche. Somebody slips it into a kid's drink, next day she wakes up at White Castle cove... pic.twitter.com/cGlrNl30yH
— Detective Fin (@icetsvu) February 12, 2017
Turns out that joint was laced with vaseline and hot pockets. Street name is Jesus Hand Grenade. pic.twitter.com/VcAaY2P1JX
— Detective Fin (@icetsvu) February 11, 2017
Dr. Warner says they OD'd on some new narcotic called Tool Shed Louise. It's made from truffles and vape juice. pic.twitter.com/cZOYsXHOVS
— Detective Fin (@icetsvu) February 10, 2017
Smigoversen would like to stress that just because he watches a show that is always about rape and sometimes also murder, he doesn't do either of those things.
