I was having difficulty coming up with a snappy opening line for this review, so I figured I'd just write them all down and have you pick which one is best. Here goes!
- You've all seen 3:10 TO YUMA, right? Wait, none of you have? Good thing we're reviewing it!
- 3:10 TO YUMA is a simple movie about a guy trying to help another guy get to a train on time.
- Is 3:10 TO YUMA really the first Western movie we've reviewed? Why yes, Mr. Reader, it is.
- Film critic Roger Ebert gave 3:10 TO YUMA four stars, which was his version of five stars.
- Christian Bale faces his toughest opponent until Heath Ledger's Joker in 3:10 TO YUMA.
- Christian Bale and Russell Crowe in a Western? Seems terrible right? Well, it turns out it isn't!
- "3:10 TO YUMA" sounds like a train leaving at 3:10 for Yuma. And that's exactly what it is.
- Sometimes in a movie a train isn't a train at all. But it is in 3:10 TO YUMA.
- 3:10 TO YUMA features Peter Fonda in his most notable role since EASY RIDER.
- Do you hate Mel Gibson? Well, fortunately for you, he isn't in the movie 3:10 TO YUMA.
Dan Evans (Christian Bale) is a poor farmer with a hot wife and two sons (looks like he's two for three) who needs some money to prevent the government from burning down his house. Seriously. He's strolling around with his sons doing cowboy stuff when he witnesses infamous outlaw Ben "Dwayne" Wade (nickname added by reviewer), played by a not-quite-chubby Russell Crowe, and his ragtag group of misfit criminals, including Charlie Prince (Ben Foster). They had just robbed a stagecoach and killed a bunch of dudes. Wade's gang spots Evans, but instead of killing him, let him go, but not before taking his horses so he can't tattle on them.
Wade and crew head to the nearest town to celebrate with some drankin', and while the rest of them peace out, Wade decides to stay in town because he wants to "cop some dome", which is the Wild Wild Western (copyright Will Smith) term for "draw a naked bartender while she poses for you but you only get to see the top of her butt and no boobies". Evans comes in to confront Wade about the incident (he took Evans' horses and made Evans waste a half day), and keeps his attention until authorities surround and capture him. It's instantly decided, because law & order was swift back then, that they will send Wade to Contention, Arizona where he will be put on a 3:10 train to Yuma in order to be hanged. Why they couldn't just hang him there is beyond me (maybe they didn't have any rope), but if they had then we would have missed out on the movie. Anyways, Evans volunteers to go along, in order to make some money for his family.
What follows is an old-fashioned race to the finish, as Evans and the escort crew need to get Wade to the train before Wade's crew catches up and kills the life out of them. The escort crew is picked off one by one through various means: Wade kills two (fork stab and toss off cliff) and a third gets shot by some railroad men, leaving only Evans, his son, who followed the crew and wants to help out his pops, and Grayson Butterfield, a "dude" with a soft name and soft fingers who's bank-rolling the escort. They wall up in a hotel in Convention to get ready for the train to arrive, but Wade's gang gets there before it does.
With a city-wide shoot-out imminent, Butterfield pusses out, and Evans makes his son wait with Butterfield so he can escort Wade to the train by himself. At this point, Evans and Wade have become BFFs, and Wade allows Evans to take him to the train so he can get the reward money, because Evans wants to do something that his sons will remember him by. Yes, you don't find that out until the end. They eventually get to the train because Wade's gang becomes temporarily bad at shooting guns, but once Wade gets on the train, Prince shoots and kills Evans. After Wade gets his gun back, he shoots and kills every single member of his gang, including Prince, and then hops back on the train, so Evans' family can get that cash money. Deleted scenes include the Evans family feeling conflicting emotions because while Dan is dead, they have money now.