Pete Hall joined Dudefest.com out of peer pressure. His first article was pure garbage, and he threw it directly into the trash. All of his subsequent ones were even worse, but since he promised he'd write something, he had no choice but to post them out of guilt.

All of his hilarious opinions and clever sayings are entirely his doing. Anything that you think was stupid or lame is your own fault for obviously misunderstanding him. Please direct all complaints directly to the GROUND, because you suck and Pete's awesome.

This description of the greatest writer in human history has elected to exclude all discussion of his noteworthy sexual prowess (except this one) due to lack of relevance. Seriously, though, the ladies - you don't know what you're missing. (Both ladies that do know what they're missing please ignore this paragraph.)